The Amalgamation of Non-Aligned Lifeforms Starfleet

(The A.N.A.L. Starfleet)

"Keeping the peace as best we can."
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ASK DR. FORTRAN

by Dr. Pascal Fortran

This last weekend I decided to do some minor home repairs. I walked into the garage to get my hammer. It was nowhere to be found. I asked the current inhabitants of the household, "Where is my hammer?" They replied in unison, "What hammer?"

This response has now placed me in a quandary and left me with the following questions.

  1. Do I have a hammer?
  2. Did I ever own a hammer?
  3. Did it claw its way out of the toolbox and escape?
  4. Does my hammer exits not elsewhere, but elsewhen?
  5. Was my hammer abducted by aliens?
  6. Did Heisenberg borrow my hammer?
  7. Are the hammers secretly in cahoots with the socks in the dryer?

Every experiment that I performed could not prove the existence of my nonexistent hammer. I can only hope that my hammer will materialize, on its own volition, in some part of my house.